Okay so as promised here is the second half of  Communication Conquers All.  I am going to leave out an introduction, and get right to it where we left off last week with #5 on the list of The “10 Linguistic Viruses” as stated in the book entitled “You are What you Say” by Budd and Rothstein:

SO, if you want to survive in the hazardous career oriented world of language and communication continue on reading and follow these simple rules regarding “Requests” (easier said than done I know!)

5. Promising Even When You Are Not Clear What Was Requested

Committing yourself when you aren’t clear about what you’ve committed to is not the best way to go; in fact it is bound to cause you problems. If you are unclear about a request, go back to the requester and get clarification about what he or she wants. This will not make you look stupid or unwise, quite the opposite; you will look committed to fulfilling his or her request. Do not continue with a request you are unsure of in direction and clarification as this “committed confusion” will produce anxiety in you and when you fail to produce the desired result, distrust in the other party will most likely be the outcome (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

*After reading the prior and the continued paragraphs, try reviewing them again, maybe even a third time as it might take this time to absorb what you have read …..No doubt you’ll get the most out of the 15 minutes you have taken to read my blog if you do so.. Let’s not start a lesson in communication by misunderstanding or misinterpreting the written language communicating it to us!

6. Not Declining Promises

Firstly, let’s get one thing clear and that it is okay to say NO and decline a request. Saying YES to every request does not make you a “good” person, and saying NO does not make you a “bad” person. According to “You Are What You Say”, those people that say yes to every request while never saying no will suffer the following consequences:

You will be overloaded with promises without enough time to do it all, leading to a fear of failure, which started you saying yes to all the requests in the first place. (!) This creates a vicious circle, which generates anxiety, burnout, and exhaustion. Not something you want! (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

The “yes-sayers”, those that say yes to all requests, end up doing many things they don’t want to do and lose their right to live life by their own standards and declarations. As a result they lose dignity and self-respect. You don’t want this either! For yourself and family, or anyone around you!

Let’s not forget that the people who are receiving the continuing yes’s are not so well off either. They get so many yes‘s that they start to question which requests will be fulfilled and which requests are in jeopardy of being completed. Some yes answers are authentic; others are reluctant, leaving the requestor questioning whether the yes can be relied upon. This does not work for anyone! (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

7. Breaking Promises Without Taking Care: Undermining Trust

This is not about morality; this is not what we are discussing here. This is more to the matter of the consequences of what will most likely occur as a result of broken commitment to coordinate action or in simpler terms, a broken promise. Now, as we are all human, promises can be broken for a number of true and honest reasons, and this broken promise can be effectively communicated to the person to whom the promise was made.

Perhaps you made a promise and over extended your skill set only to realize that the work was beyond your scope of ability, perhaps you, a family member, or friend fell ill and was in need of attention. The requestor is waiting on you, though do not ignore the promise and consciously betray your word as this will lead to distrust and hence difficulty for trust in the future. Instead contact the person explain why you cannot fulfill the promise, perhaps apologize, offer a new promise, and offer to clean a mess that you might have created. Such an action will leave you feeling better about your actions, and a much better memory of the situation, and a much improved trust level in your relationship (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

8. Treating Judgments and Opinions as a World Truth (an Affirmation)

There is no truth to your statements of judgment, just what you say. Let me repeat that as I know you might find this hard to believe but… There is no truth to your statements of judgment, just what you say.

This is a difficult item for many people to grasp, especially people who believe themselves to be of GREAT INTELLEGENCE! GREAT CHARACTER! PERFECT GENETICS, BLAH, BLAH. Okay so you’re smart.. So are a lot of people, if you flaunt the FACT that you’re so smart, well then you’re not so smart, if you demand respect because you think your smart, then your dumber then you look.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people brag about their children’s SAT scores, “he scored 1200 verbal and 1250 math he’s going places!!”

Well, don’t be so sure… A little common sense, street smarts, and Emotional Intelligence never hurt.

So, you can provide evidence for what you say, but that still does not make it the truth. On the other hand, an affirmation has been proven as a truth in the world with evidence and in a sense evidentially is so accepted as a global truth. You can easily destroy your career & occupational relationships as well as personal relationships by communicating to others as if your opinions and judgments though perhaps based on evidence, are facts accepted and proven on a global scale. Now don’t get too carried away, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. People have the right to have their voice heard, though not to affirm them as fact when they are simply based on potential evidence.  Let other’s opinions be heard, and if you don’t, people will lose respect in you and not listen to your opinions or judgments for very long either.

*A note on Emotional Intelligence (IE), the new ages IQ. We’ll get to EI during another week’s blog. No Blog is complete these days without some discussion about Daniel Goleman and his version of Emotional Intelligence.

9. Making Judgments and Stating Opinions Without Rigorous Grounding.

Make sure that when you present an opinion to colleagues in your workplace that you prepare your communication of this opinion or judgment with well thought out evidence. It would be a mistake to present your opinion on a business issue, be it big or small, without thinking it through and having some well thought out evidence to back it up (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

10. Making Fantasy Affirmations and Declarations.

Don’t make a fantasy affirmations and declarations. In other words, don’t assume that you can start a business you know nothing about and this business will somehow run itself. If you have no business experience and don’t know how to cook, it would be a fantasy affirmation to want to start a restaurant (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

In closing, I hope “Communication Conquers All” was well received. For the sake of your current career or career exploration, learn to communicate, buy the book I spoke of, or another, contact me if you wish, complete a personality assessment so that you may begin your journey of knowing your personal preferences, and your occupational and communicational self. Furthermore, self-reflect on how you relate to others verbally, non-verbally, and with written communication. Apply this learning to your life and occupation and how you can be effective with your expressed and unexpressed emotions and words.

The more you know about who you are the better chance you will have in all facets of your life. The sooner you get started to know yourself and your personality preferences, the better. Your career search and professional lives are a big part of your existence, so get to know yourself and DON’T ONLY DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY, BUT “DO WHAT YOU ARE” (Another great book to help you “discover the perfect career through the secrets of personality type”, though we will discuss the Myers Briggs Type Indicator and career choice, and this book shortly in this blog as well. Once you have your 4-letter MBTI personality Type in hand, the wealth of information about your personality type on the Internet is endless. I will discuss this next week…

And lastly my weekly words of wisdom

To communicate effectively is to succeed

Sharing verbally and otherwise is to show strength…

Don’t be afraid to ask….

When you can communicate you are never alone, verbally or otherwise….

Reach out for you have nothing to lose but your own fear, conquer it through experience and exploration….

“NO” is just another word, hear it, understand it, and move on  from it, but DON’T FEAR IT!

-Quote written by Career Test Site Owner and Blog Author Jonathan Bollag.

Until next week,

-j

If you have any questions contact me through the contact page of this website.

Soon to come, I will be offering a new assessment entitled The Myers Briggs Type Indicator Communication Styles Report.

Communication Conquers All

It is said that love conquers all, but poor communication will conquer love every time. This personal flaw will invade your professional life, your primary personal relationship, and every relationship in your life including those with your parents, children, friends, co-workers, allies, and peers. Communication breakdown is guaranteed to negatively affect your career goals and slow down your career exploration. Take the time to read this post, take care of yourself, get what you want, and keep the career you have, the people you have in your life for as long as YOU so choose, not simply as far as your communication barriers and flaws will take you.

So, let’s start off with the concept of communication. Or better yet, let’s refer to the concept as constructive, positive, and effective communication. Effective communication can help you get what you want, have relationships that are important to you, and help you achieve the career success you so desire. I have noticed that when business and personal relationships fall apart, there is usually one thing to blame, communication breakdown.

So why is it that as humans we have been blessed with an extraordinary ability in verbal communication, though it seems that at times the most minuscule tasks seem the most difficult to communicate to one another. What makes a most seemingly straightforward simple request get botched? Where does the communication breakdown occur to the point where at an office we can request a telephone call though this seems to be heard as something completely different from one’s mouth to another’s ear? Why as such highly developed linguistic creatures do we have such a hard time communicating?

We are an advanced race with a high capacity for thought and intrigue and though we speak the same language WE DO NOT ALL THINK ALIKE! WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT! Our differences are what make the world a dynamic and interesting place, and inevitably to be human is to be different from one another.

                So what does this mean when I say: “to be human is to be different form one another?”

This is to say that though human, our perceptions, our brain waves, our thoughts at any given time are different then one another’s. So what is the one thing that can make us the same outside of being of the same species and in fact HAVE A CHANCE to function as a society; YOU GUESSED IT: COMMUNICATION. How we communicate defines who we are.

So enough of the analytical let’s get on to the practical where you can hopefully learn something about yourselves:

One of my favorite books regarding communication  is entitled “You Are What You Say” authored by Mathew Budd, M.D. and Larry Rothstein, Ed.D. This book covers many different aspects of language including how negative thoughts and negative language can lead to stress, anger, depression, and even physical illness. The particular section of the book I found the most useful is regarding the first language action entitled “requests”.

 Making a request sounds so very simple. A request as simple as: “excuse me, can you tell me where to find the nearest telephone?” can be misunderstood, and heard differently then you intended. We are all different people with different perceptions, and one person may say one thing while another may hear something completely different.

Well let’s talk about that:

The authors of “You Are What You say” list 10 of what they call Linguistic Viruses. By linguistic viruses they mean causes of communication breakdowns that attack relationships, alter the structures of the individuals in them, and cause dissatisfaction, bad moods, and again ill health (Budd, M. & Rothstein, R. 2000 P.141).

You might look at this, begin to read it, and figure “why should I read a blog about how to ask someone something or how to hear what someone else asks me?”

TRUST ME, IF YOU’VE READ THIS FAR READ ON AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE 10 LINGUISTIC VIRUSES, APPLY THEM TO YOURSELF; IT COULD CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

 According to Mathew Budd M.D. and Larry Rothstein ED.d, The 10 Linguistic Viruses are listed and explained as stated in the text below:

“The 10 Linguistic Viruses”

1. Not Making Requests

Often people think that there’s something that they want or need from someone else, but they don’t make a request. They may complain inwardly or to others but still they make no requests of the other party. Why is this? One reason is that you may have a fear about asking others. They could say no to your request. This might be painful for you and cause you to feel rejected. In point of fact, a no to a request is just that-no to the action of requesting, not a rejection of yourself. But that is what some of us hear (Budd & Rothstein, 2000).

Another reason people don’t make requests is that they are afraid others will think that they are incompetent. They assume they should do and know everything by themselves. Again this is faulty thinking. MAKING A REQUEST IS NOT AN ADMISSION OF WEAKNESS. Think for a moment of the president of the United States and the staggering amount of requests that he makes each day, actually power often has to do with the capacity to make powerful requests (Budd & Rothstein, 2000).

2. Living with Uncommunicated Expectations

According to Budd and Rothstein, one of the most common forms of “not requesting” occurs when an individual lives in the world of the shoulds and expectations that are really unexpressed requests.

We have private conversations with ourselves about what others should and should not do. But we never make open requests of these people. In turn, when they do not do what we expect, we’re disappointed, resentful, and angry. The other parties might not even know what was expected of them, or if they do they wonder: “what is he or she so upset about?” Shoulds and expectations give no possibility for negotiation, declining, and satisfaction. They are setups for conflict (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

3. Making Unclear Requests

Well-intentioned people fail when they try to fulfill unclear requests. Have you ever heard yourself or someone you know say: “Well, I thought that’s what you wanted? I tried.” A lack of clarity in your request may have generated the breakdown. It’s foolish to think that others should know what you want. Remember that others don’t necessarily see the world the way you do. Remember we spoke of this earlier. You’re not insulting the listener if you make detailed requests. You’re setting up precise detailed requests. You’re setting up the possibility for mutual satisfaction (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

As you live with someone, or work with someone and build a history of coordination together, less and less detail is necessary. Unclear requests can be relationship killers and lead to major unneeded stress for both individuals. It can also occur when you don’t have the time to make a detailed request and fire off a request and hope everything works out. If the other person accepts this vague form and promises to fulfill it, you have left the person to guess what you want, and you are both set up for failure. The person anxiously hopes that he or she has made the right guess, dangerously leading to communication breakdown and negative consequences (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000).

It is important to point out that one or two of these events on occasion might not be dramatic, though if not learned, these types of communication errors build and eventually snowball and lead to misery, and broken relationships, and professional failure as well as personal trauma.

SO LET’S MOVE ON TO #4 AND REMEMBER DON’T GET DISCOURAGED! THERE’S HOPE! LET’S LEARN AND UNDERSTAND AND AS READERS IF YOU WOULD LIKE MORE FEEDABCK, EXCERCISES AND BOOKS TO PURSUE THIS SUBJECT FURTHER PLEASE DON’T HESITATE TO COMMUNICATE AND REQUEST THIS WANT THROUGH A COMMENT POST AND I WILL DEDICATE THE NEXT BLOG POST TO DOING JUST THIS, GIVING SUGGESTIVE RESOURCES, SELF HELP GUIDES AND EXCERCISES.

4. Not Observing the Mood Requesting

Some people make requests in the form of demands and others make a request, frankly for lack of a better word, like a beggar. The mood of your request affects the listener. If you’re demanding, people might decline your request because they might see you as arrogant and righteous, or they might make choices out of intimidation, not choice (Budd, M & Rothstein, R. 2000). Mathew Budd M.D. sees coordinating action in life, and I like this analogy very much, as dancing in language. Not always an easy task in a busy and complicated world, but we need to inspire and do the best we can to acquire these abilities, and to adapt communicatively to different persons and situations to be effective.

Another note on Mood Requesting is that demanding requests will lead eventually other’s avoiding you, even your physical presence will make them uncomfortable, while begging requests are a form of manipulation AND guilt, which very quickly will lead to the same scenario of isolation.

Until Next Week

-J

 IF YOU WISH TO TAKE A  BREAK I THOUGHT I WOULD DIVIDE THIS POST INTO TWO SECTIONS DUE TO IT’S LENGTH. PART II WILL BE POSTED NEXT WEEK. PLEASE RETURN NEXT WEEK OR SIMPLY SUBSCRIBE TO MY BLOG BY ENTERING YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS IN THE SUBSCRIBE BOX AND YOU SHALL RECIEVE NEW BLOG POSTS AS THEY BECOME AVAILABLE. 

Be The Best You Can Be Each and Everyday Day!

For starters this week I would like to discuss, briefly, a concept that can give some insight to those readers who are in the midst of a career search. This concept is based on the work of George Leonard and “Mastery”.

On to this week’s writings:

George Leonard, the author of “Mastery; The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment, speaks of a very important occupational hazard that can lead to career failure. This concept involves “loving the plateau”. The plateau is something we can all relate to and be familiar with. So you finally got the job you have been waiting for and you begin the journey at your new position.

Over the first several months you complete your training program; you have made your acquaintances in your office, and have your duties pretty well in hand.  It is time to practice what you have learned and begin to master your position. Now some months begin to pass and you might believe that you have your occupation pretty well down, so you have hit your plateau stage, don’t fall to the occupational hazard of the three types we will discuss and ruin your new occupational position you waited so long to acquire! You must ride the plateau stages in occupations as you would the high times, or you will set yourself up for sure failure in the occupational world.

Modern society has taught us to continue on for more and more success before it is time to do so. Hence, we have created work environments whereas less and less people take the time to see through the plateau stage and truly master their occupation. That is to practice what we are good at, and to master what we love. The key words are “what we love”. So in order to make it through the plateau stage in a career, we must master our current occupation as best we can and in order take ourselves to a professional level of great success we must strive to find a career that we love which best suits our interests and personality types. If we can indeed master what we love and learn to love the plateau, then we will be ready for great promotion and financial reward and long-term success. Quick fixes, dollars, and promos don’t work!

There are 3 Categories of people that tend to fail during the plateau stage, and not find the high level of success they so desire. It might be interesting for you to consider these three types and see if any pertain to you. If they do, you might not have found the career that you love or that best suits you. The three types of people I am speaking of might ring a familiar tune; certainly they have at times of transition in my own life. These are the:

1. The Dabbler

The dabbler is the type of person who goes from job to job. He loves over-projected earnings, is delighted by every sign of progress, and sees opportunities at every turn. He reports these delights to his friends and family. Once he hits his first plateau instead of “learning” to practice and stay steady and master, it is time to look around for the next job. The dabbler might think of himself as an adventurer, but he is more closely related to an eternal child (Leonard, G.1991).

2.The Obsessive

The obsessive is the type of person who is all about the bottom-line. He does not like to settle for second best. He or she is extremely result oriented and believes that it does not matter how you get them as long as you get results quickly. He is the type of person who stays after class to talk to the instructor and wants to get it right after the first lesson. He leans towards the listener when he talks and his energy is up front when he walks  (Leonard, G. 1991).

The obsessive person makes a spurt at first, which is what he expected, though once he inevitable regresses and hits the plateau he won’t accept it, and redoubles his efforts. He pushes himself mercilessly and refuses to accept his boss’s and colleague’s counsel of moderation. He works all night at his office, he’s tempted to take shortcuts for the sake of quick results. According to George Leonard, Many American corporate managers have this obsessive profile, though obsessive managers will make brief spurts of upward progress, they are usually followed by sharp declines- a road toward sure failure. When the fall from grace arrives, the obsessive person is likely to get hurt along with his friends, colleagues, stockholders, and loved ones (Leonard, G. 1991).

3.The Hacker

The Hacker, unlike the Obsessive and The dabbler, would like to stay at the plateau indefinitely. He or she doesn’t mind cutting corners and hanging around with others who do so as well. He does only enough to get by, leaves on time or early, takes every break, talks instead of doing his job, and wonders why he doesn’t get promoted.

In his personal life, The Hacker looks at Marriage and living together not as an opportunity for learning and development, but as a comfortable refuge of uncertainties of the outside world. As George Leonard specifically explains this personal phenomenon: “The Hacker is wiling to settle for static monogamy, an arrangement in which both partners have clearly defined and unchanged role, and in which marriage is primarily an economic and domestic institution. This traditional arrangement sometimes works well enough, but in today’s world two partners are rarely willing to live indefinitely on an unchanging plateau. When your tennis partner starts improving his or her game and you don’t, the game eventually breaks up (Leonard, G. 1991).

So as you can see these personality traits are not only applicable to professional life, but are most defiantly also seen in the personal lives of the three types of people discussed above.

If you see parts or bits of pieces of yourselves in what you have read today, don’t panic! We all have some of these characteristics at times or have known someone who mirrors these types. Becoming aware of our weaknesses is the first step in the right direction. Once you know what you need to work on, you may begin your journey to long-term success.

In closing:

The key here is that often enough once an individual finds his or her occupational fit or something he or she is passionate about, these things can come more naturally. You will more naturally learn to enjoy the plateau and the practice of your occupation as well as the day-to-day activities. Keep your goals of perhaps financial reward, promotion, recognition, the need to contribute for social, political, or world change or whatever your goal(s) may be close to your heart and you will get what you want, the right way, for the long-term, and with great reward!

-J. Bollag. “See You Next Week”!

“Finding something you love to do will give you love in return, staying physically fit will give you emotional and inner strength in return, and mental health and knowledge will reward you with the capacity for fulfillment and passion!”

-Quote Created by Careertestsite Owner & Blog Writer, Jonathan Bollag.

For my first Career Test Site Blog entry I would like to give an explanation and introduction to what I will be covering in my posts over the next weeks, and most importantly what you can gain from reading, commenting, asking questions and joining the career test site forum in terms of meeting your career goals, furthering your career search,  discovering your strengths and weaknesses, and improving your life by being who you are, and getting what you want out of a career.

Despite The name Career Test Site.com Blog, a lot of learning opportunities and self discoveries will be presented to readers who follow this Blog that go beyond that of a career search and career advice. That is to say I will construct ideas, facts, data, and theory that will hopefully help my readers grow personally, spiritually, intellectually, and professionally.

I believe in the concept of personal power. Career advice is very important. As you can see I have based my career around this field in the hope of helping people through this avenue.  Although, It is important to understand that I can give you career advice though when it is all said and done…YOUR SUCCESS WILL DEPEND ON YOUR OWN PERSONAL POWER and your determination to succeed!

Now surely all does not depend solely on personal power, we can be victims of circumstance. I have heard some life coaches say things like “there are no victims”, and “no one can make you a victim but yourself” well though I understand the theory behind this, and we will get to it, it cannot be denied by the atrocities we have seen throughout history and those that still exist today that victims of circumstance of course do exist, and being victimized does not only affect oneself but sometimes one’s children, and their children, and their children’s children and so on. However, every now and then we might come across something that makes us believe in the human ability to overcome circumstances against all odds. If you find the time, tune into the cable show CNN “Heroes” a very inspiring TV program I would encourage you all to watch. This program tells tales of people around the world and their stories of great achievement under unusual, often dire circumstances. These stories often speak of individuals who have been born with unbelievably minimal resources to aid in their success and with such improbable opportunities yet they find a way!

I started to ask myself, as I would like you to do so as you read this at this very moment, “what makes this person special or different”. So,  how does a person who comes from the poorest cities of the poorest nations, find a way to get an education, lift himself above the rest  from an almost destined life of poverty, abuse and suffering for himself his children, grandchildren, and so on?

With this said in the weeks to come I will post my thoughts and facts as well as summaries and excerpts from books that deal with items regarding personal mastery, effective workplace and personal communication,  negative personality attributes that might be getting in your way, solutions to personality challenges, as well as many other subjects and items that will help you be more effective in your current employment, in a new career, a career search, and in your personal and professional relations with others and yourself! I will also discuss how our personal behavior can hold us back and limit us from realizing and reaching our full potential and our want and goals. In particular I will begin in the next post with descriptions of different personalities as explained by The MBA Director of the Career Center at The Harvard Business School and his book, “The 12 Bad Habits That Hold Good People Back”.

You too can gain the personal power you need to succeed in getting the career you have always wanted, be more effective in the workplace, and succeed personally and professionally through self awareness and I hope to shed some light and give you the insight you need to allow you to do just this.

So read on in the weeks and months to come as I hope you will get as much out of reading and commenting as I will have in writing and responding. I will include information from the following invaluable books throughout my blog for some time to come:

“The 12 Bad Habits that Hold Good People Back” Authored by Waldroop & Butler PHD’s, The Director’s of MBA Career Development at the Harvard Business School.

“Leadership and Self Deception. Getting Out Of The Box” Authored by The Arbinger Institute.

“You Are What You Say” Authored by Mathew Budd M.D. & Larry Rothstein Ed,D.

“Mastery: The Keys To Long-Term Success And Long –Term Fulfillment” Authored by George Leonard (The author of The Way of Aikido).

“The Book of Secrets. Unlocking The Hidden Dimensions of Your Life” Authored by Deepak Chopra.

**“The Portable Jung”, Edited by Joseph Cambell. (Carl Jung’s self written notes and journal first printed in the early 1950’s).

**Carl Yung’s theory of TYPE is the basis of which The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator was developed and is considered by many to be the greatest Psychological Philosopher of all time.

-J